3:01 am EST

i could read you a lot of bullshit
about babbling brooks that bubble over with excitement
when the thought of you impedes my mind
and about how my soul sings out from the swelling sea
when i look into your eyes
or about how i want to watch the seasons change with your hand in mine
but i won't because these things won't do
until you're due for them

i myself am humming often now
and yelling lyrically against the whirling winds that come through my car window
as i drive here and there
near and far from you
while you rest
or are doing what it is that you do

i wonder alone, as i wander you
meandering moments of misery and mystery
daily dialogue of disdain and deliberate diction
force a silent aching
but i am quiet
for you
i remain in a state of hopeful hysteria
am i ok?
i haven't a hope for that in this moment
but i will be in the moments you are in my presence
which are my hopes
all of them

i have a boy crush

For the past week I have been listening to the most amazingly talented musician. His lyrics are iconically moving and his voice brings my body to a full fledged quiver. He is Gregory Alan Isakov, and his fiddling sidekick has induced frantic yellow page searches for viola rental options. Check him out...you won't be sorry.

here

or

here

or

here

I was introduced to Gregory at a Brandi Carlile show last week at the fabulous Eddie's Attic in Decatur. Let's just say I was so taken aback that I marched right up to his table after the show to purchase his cd and didn't even look in the general direction of Brandi's merchandise. Don't take this as a dig on Brandi's performance, presence or musical talentencia. Because her portion of the show was also impressive slash astounding. I think it could just be that I was too drunk for her portion of the show to be as impressed as my sober introduction to Gregory. It could also just be about his hat?

Basically, I have a boy crush on so many soul singing levels. And you should have the same soulful boy crush as me...I'm just sayin'.

Is it Kosher to phone your landlord at 2 am about bugs?

The world is all topsy turvy this eve of Thursday due to my vacation being over and my having to go back to work today. Also due to the fact that my roommate went out of town and right when she left these killer hugemongous bugs took over my house and now she's not here to kill them. I've been walking around my apartment for the last hour taunting them with Hot Shot roach and ant killer in one hand and a beer in the other. One of these bugs had the nerve to crawl across my foot while I was trying to enjoy The Golden Girls. And another...well, he flew into my underwear drawer. I don't even let MY MOM see my underwear drawer. I am so offended currently.

I have killed two but I am sure they are hiding out under the couch nay in my underpants plotting their next attack. Probably it will happen when I am asleep and I will wake up with a huge sculpture of my things in the middle of the floor, similar to those strange crop field patterns.

my zip code is awesome and also I heart late-night-letter-writing

Dear The World,

Recently, I moved. It came at a time when life was quite the hectic situation, not that my life is never a hectic situation but in terms of general hecticness the meter is way broken. This leaves me blogging...obvs.

I wish I had pictures or words to describe said hectic situation but I don't cuz my camera is effed up and my words are all slurry due to G&T's but I do however have the ability to write a letter at this current moment and the body of it appears here.

Here is where the rest of those words might go if they were around. And here are some other words I want to say (and am...I think...capable of saying)to several different people who shall remain nameless:

I miss you.

I love you.

I thank you.

I will see you tomorrow.

Until then, may the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back and may God hold you in the palm of Her hand.

Love and Sincerely and All that Jazz (cuz this is where I prepare you for the signature),
Bertha

"this is not about me"

i put it in the mailbox
in the dead of night
for fear that someone might witness
the blooming of my adulthood

i'm good at decisions
everyone says so
even my mother
it makes me sad

i like green
and humanity
and human rights
and fairness for my enemies

these things have swayed you
to and fro
back and forth
but you're not good at decisions

i put it in your mailbox
just like she did
(which consequently sickens me to write)
the paper on which i say goodbye
and now you can decide
what is best for a change

six

It happened
Last night
In my dreams
I think
At 3
Am

You were there
Next to me
Holding my hand
In between breaths that were so sweet
I could cry
And I did

Reason being
When you’re asleep
There’s not ignorance
No problems interjecting themselves
Into peacefulness
Only simplicity
Comprised of dreams
And fingers
And silent jerks
As you drift in and out of slumber
Drinking slowly from the dreams
That fill your head and your heart
Though I don’t know them
And that’s how I learn about you
this has happened many times
But never like it did last night

As you lay there next to me
I’m consumed by it now
So if it’s alright by you
I’ll continue
to consider
this dream
now
and tomorrow
and the day after that too

Hey y'all

Some of you have been sending me messages to the tune of "where did you go?"
or
"what the fuck bertha..how come?"
or
"I miss you...come back!"

Well, for a number of reasons I went on a little Bertha-atus. I've done some soul searching, some getting to know of some really cool people, some losing at life and some winning too, but for now...the explanation is that I guess I'm back! And I've got a lot of poetry and thoughts that need letting out so I hope you guys are ready.

....

Ok, maybe not tonight...I'm real tired. Here's a poem though for your wait.

....

"Five"

One night
Last fall
I got lost in the woods
but I didn’t care
cuz while I was on that journey
in the woodland darkness
I was forming dreams
about You

I think I thought it might have been that lovely night air
As it brushed against my dirty sweat-stained face
and I lay in the grass with leaves in my hair
a sense of calm and wonderment blew over me.
such contentment
there, amongst the dirt and the leaves
alone
in that moment.
every day, alone.
alone. in that moment.
But only now have I grown to know of those dreams
Though I have been craving them
with every ounce of me
my whole life long