1:11 am EST

is there room
how much is required
may i breath for that room for cream
or the spot in the floor where a table might
chance for a position there
will it fit
i am
sitting pondering the presence of
a shard of glass
and what used to be attached to it
forming the complete transparent unit
it was beautiful in its entirety
it remains lovely in its fractured state

will it fall
once pieced together again
will it seal itself
mending the silent impact that forced it apart
maybe with tape
or magic glue
it may take more than one application
it may take some forgetting
it may take running out of mending options

units of time unknown to the materials required

of the raw edges to find their way
back together for a suitable fit

like that spot you know is so very comfortable
in your bed at night
amongst the pillows and the blankets
the course sheets just so
and your arm this particular way
underneath that unique spot
beneath her neck
with my leg like that

sometimes you can find it quietly
easily
other nights it can take some time
and several tries to discover it again
and others still are lost in the search
leaving you unable to be

It's probably sad that I'm publishing this on an open to the public blog but apparently I have no life or self respect so whatevs...

Have you ever noticed the pieces of yourself that got lost when you dated someone and how nice it is to have those pieces back in your life once you're single again? Well, I got so excited about these things that I made a list tonight because I was drinking wine and well...that's what I do when I drink wine...I make lists. *drum roll*

1. Drink lots of wine.
2. Read lots of internet news slash astrology articles.
3. Listen to Ani DiFranco. on repeat. everyday. because she's fucking hott.
4. Get excited about random things like Melba Toast.
5. Eat raw everything because I'm tired of cooking for one.
6. Shop online.
7. Sit around contemplating who writes better poetry Tennyson or Eliot?
8. Talk like I'm Jewish.
9. Do number 8 with other people who like to do number 8.
10. Wear dirty clothes.
11. Not bathe until it's absolutely necessary.

This could keep going but I think I'm losing self respect so I'm gonna just finish this wine and do some more of number 7 and then go to bed.

12:27 am EST

part of the destination is getting there
the journey is the adventure
and so on and so forth

we walked this way
over cracks and dandelion petals
and dog poop
through water
and over muddy trodden grassy patches
into a full days worth of doings.
the sun shone warmly, filtered through the raindrops
and you could trace a rainbow with your finger through the sky
from one end to the other with one eye squinted.
that arch was full and complete,
just like that day,
just like that journey.

it was the
tasting
and the turning towards the unknown.
with me pondering and you playing
and my fingers wrinkled from the moisture in the air
just like after a long bath; they were the same
leaving me feeling
fulfillment in the loss,
the pleasure from the pain.
my stomach was empty but i felt full
my feet happily ached
i was satisfied and fatigued
body heavy with exhaustion
the pockets of life were full with the gifts collected
on that wakeful walking adventure

and i think that every day ought to be this way
and i think you feel that way too.

3:01 am EST

i could read you a lot of bullshit
about babbling brooks that bubble over with excitement
when the thought of you impedes my mind
and about how my soul sings out from the swelling sea
when i look into your eyes
or about how i want to watch the seasons change with your hand in mine
but i won't because these things won't do
until you're due for them

i myself am humming often now
and yelling lyrically against the whirling winds that come through my car window
as i drive here and there
near and far from you
while you rest
or are doing what it is that you do

i wonder alone, as i wander you
meandering moments of misery and mystery
daily dialogue of disdain and deliberate diction
force a silent aching
but i am quiet
for you
i remain in a state of hopeful hysteria
am i ok?
i haven't a hope for that in this moment
but i will be in the moments you are in my presence
which are my hopes
all of them

i have a boy crush

For the past week I have been listening to the most amazingly talented musician. His lyrics are iconically moving and his voice brings my body to a full fledged quiver. He is Gregory Alan Isakov, and his fiddling sidekick has induced frantic yellow page searches for viola rental options. Check him out...you won't be sorry.

here

or

here

or

here

I was introduced to Gregory at a Brandi Carlile show last week at the fabulous Eddie's Attic in Decatur. Let's just say I was so taken aback that I marched right up to his table after the show to purchase his cd and didn't even look in the general direction of Brandi's merchandise. Don't take this as a dig on Brandi's performance, presence or musical talentencia. Because her portion of the show was also impressive slash astounding. I think it could just be that I was too drunk for her portion of the show to be as impressed as my sober introduction to Gregory. It could also just be about his hat?

Basically, I have a boy crush on so many soul singing levels. And you should have the same soulful boy crush as me...I'm just sayin'.

Is it Kosher to phone your landlord at 2 am about bugs?

The world is all topsy turvy this eve of Thursday due to my vacation being over and my having to go back to work today. Also due to the fact that my roommate went out of town and right when she left these killer hugemongous bugs took over my house and now she's not here to kill them. I've been walking around my apartment for the last hour taunting them with Hot Shot roach and ant killer in one hand and a beer in the other. One of these bugs had the nerve to crawl across my foot while I was trying to enjoy The Golden Girls. And another...well, he flew into my underwear drawer. I don't even let MY MOM see my underwear drawer. I am so offended currently.

I have killed two but I am sure they are hiding out under the couch nay in my underpants plotting their next attack. Probably it will happen when I am asleep and I will wake up with a huge sculpture of my things in the middle of the floor, similar to those strange crop field patterns.

my zip code is awesome and also I heart late-night-letter-writing

Dear The World,

Recently, I moved. It came at a time when life was quite the hectic situation, not that my life is never a hectic situation but in terms of general hecticness the meter is way broken. This leaves me blogging...obvs.

I wish I had pictures or words to describe said hectic situation but I don't cuz my camera is effed up and my words are all slurry due to G&T's but I do however have the ability to write a letter at this current moment and the body of it appears here.

Here is where the rest of those words might go if they were around. And here are some other words I want to say (and am...I think...capable of saying)to several different people who shall remain nameless:

I miss you.

I love you.

I thank you.

I will see you tomorrow.

Until then, may the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back and may God hold you in the palm of Her hand.

Love and Sincerely and All that Jazz (cuz this is where I prepare you for the signature),
Bertha