no one will ever be praised for
a claim to blame

there is a quiet breeze
outside
it rustles the leaves
at the tops of the trees
outside my window
i can hear the train
bustling
while those around me slumber
dreaming of the dreams
i knew of only days ago
for years long now
i have found my way to the home
inside my being

i don't know where you sleep now
but i am claiming the fame to you

1:11

whatsoever the hour
i've forgotten
it is calm
time is relinquished from her assignment

i am surmounted by sadness
as i don't see time
and i don't see you
and my reflection, it's changing

and the brevity of moments
in which that occurred
begs me bothersome

are your cheeks stained with tears, like mine?

you lay your face,
sticky from the day’s tribulations,
in my hand
your eyes happened on my face
so many times in that moment
it felt like days
that we lay there
with your eyes attempting
articulation
and my mouth,
it perched on time
hanging open like a fool
and now
now i am mournful
at our silence

page ten

a black comma
at the end of a phrase
on a piece of paper
stuck in a mailbox
onto you will never pass your eyes
or engage your mind to read from.

a blue ribbon
poking out of a Bible
saturated with pious
hand oil
from years of arrogance
in the name of Jesus.

I am nauseated with a hunger.
I’ve set a place with knife,
fork and spoon,
iced water,
and a clean plate.
I wish that you would seat yourself at that
setting,
and talk to me.
as
I am not a commonality,
a narrow-minded, blind ignorant woman.
at times I’m unsure
of you,
as you are unsure
of me.
so, when I say I like words,
or that I love the sound of a train passing,
I mean it.
And I trust that you know this.

I want a fluffy pillow

Dear The Internet,

I had a freak out tonight, in the bath tub. I solid panic attack, in water. I got in that tub to relax and get ride of my migraine, but instead, I wound up having a psychosis. I spoke to my shower curtain for a while, too. I guess my only question for the world on the latter side of the experience is, "how do I get along with you, world, when you always prove to hurt me so much?"

I'm putting myself to bed.

XOXO,
Bertha

Oh, P.S. I almost forgot, Happy 5-0, Mommymeister. I love you.

Do you want some butter?

I sang out of tune
Out of key even
And you didn’t walk away from me
you may have actually stood up
And screamed at the top
Of your lungs

The same thing

The same thing that I had read
Sang and wrote
Bowed rowed and ran
The same thing I had cried
For the 21 years prior
To that evening

And today
Tonight
On the eve of yesterday
And the dawn of this jour
I want to hear more
But I listen with the most guster
I can muster, to silence.

voids

It’s a Tuesday
Somewhere
You are nowhere
To be found
I’m on the ground
and there is a sense of
urgency
inside of me
its like remorse or maybe toxicity

I am alone

Not in loneliness
But without you

I reached
I reached up so high
With both of my hands
The palms of them were waiting
With kindness and depth
Honesty and truth
Sweaty and broken and raw
They reached for you
And they came back down
Empty
Holding nothing but sorrow
And more sadness
Your sadness mixed with mine
And I’m having trouble
Emptying them
Perhaps I lack the will
The silent will that you
Attempt to teach

I am filled with gratitude
And a longing
To learn more
But you are in control of the lessons
I abhor such a thing
abiding to it

the air was thick
and now thin
as the moons wax
and wane
reminding me of you
and the nights we spent

I am left with a nothing
A nothing so void and empty
A void defined
In your terms
Terms of hate perhaps
Or maybe of respect
A void that is silent
Such a silence
I respect
Until the morrow
On which you determine