"this is not about me"

i put it in the mailbox
in the dead of night
for fear that someone might witness
the blooming of my adulthood

i'm good at decisions
everyone says so
even my mother
it makes me sad

i like green
and humanity
and human rights
and fairness for my enemies

these things have swayed you
to and fro
back and forth
but you're not good at decisions

i put it in your mailbox
just like she did
(which consequently sickens me to write)
the paper on which i say goodbye
and now you can decide
what is best for a change

six

It happened
Last night
In my dreams
I think
At 3
Am

You were there
Next to me
Holding my hand
In between breaths that were so sweet
I could cry
And I did

Reason being
When you’re asleep
There’s not ignorance
No problems interjecting themselves
Into peacefulness
Only simplicity
Comprised of dreams
And fingers
And silent jerks
As you drift in and out of slumber
Drinking slowly from the dreams
That fill your head and your heart
Though I don’t know them
And that’s how I learn about you
this has happened many times
But never like it did last night

As you lay there next to me
I’m consumed by it now
So if it’s alright by you
I’ll continue
to consider
this dream
now
and tomorrow
and the day after that too

Hey y'all

Some of you have been sending me messages to the tune of "where did you go?"
or
"what the fuck bertha..how come?"
or
"I miss you...come back!"

Well, for a number of reasons I went on a little Bertha-atus. I've done some soul searching, some getting to know of some really cool people, some losing at life and some winning too, but for now...the explanation is that I guess I'm back! And I've got a lot of poetry and thoughts that need letting out so I hope you guys are ready.

....

Ok, maybe not tonight...I'm real tired. Here's a poem though for your wait.

....

"Five"

One night
Last fall
I got lost in the woods
but I didn’t care
cuz while I was on that journey
in the woodland darkness
I was forming dreams
about You

I think I thought it might have been that lovely night air
As it brushed against my dirty sweat-stained face
and I lay in the grass with leaves in my hair
a sense of calm and wonderment blew over me.
such contentment
there, amongst the dirt and the leaves
alone
in that moment.
every day, alone.
alone. in that moment.
But only now have I grown to know of those dreams
Though I have been craving them
with every ounce of me
my whole life long