the scent of lavender

remember
that month
every curve of all the inches of my body
were nestled into that of yours
and we came out
out from behind the wall of a secret
that day, last hour
to reach across boundaries
into the collective conscious
of our desire
and we discovered
mutual identity

but that was so long ago
so long ago now
that you dare not remember it
even when i reach back into the bucket of us
and show it to you

i have never before
gazed into the eye of the tomorrow sun
only to have it stare right back at me
though i cared not to see a reflection
i longed to see a yearning
and your stare painted such a picture

a picture of your lovely face
sunken into the pillow of my bleeding heart
each night i find you dreaming
and each morning i leave you asleep

a picture of a song
from the album of you
and of me
of the we
for which we speak
and breath and sing
as all of these feelings
exist not in the reel of time

i wanted to be the dew on your face
when you wake up from camping outdoors without
the shelter of a tent

i wanted to be the thrust of your abdomen
in the longest seconds
between the two of us

i wanted to be the cold chill
that runs from the inside of your ear
all the way to your roundest curve

i wanted to be the you that you wanted me
to be

and these are the ways i longed for you to want me
and you wanted to long for me
but you didn't know how

i tried
i tried to show show you the when, where and why
so you could compose the stuff
of our next moments together
but you didn't want to try

and these thises and thats are okay
perhaps someone else will do this
and i will do that with them
but i know when they and i do
you will as well
and then what will the well
of our wills become?

exhaustion

She keeps me
Locked in this dungeon
Bound by cold, ancient walls
Damming despair
At the whim of her happiness.
I am the one with the problem
As defined by her imagination
And what an image that is
When it can’t see past the end of her nose
to peer at the hope
and beauty
that is the actual definition
of me.

One such definition
Inked by another
At the expense of no one
At the expense of the damned’s fun
Maybe
But not even
Because even those
Locked in dungeons
Have feelings
I have learned.

I belong in the court
With the finest of things
Which are shared
In equal amounts
To those who know truly
What it means to be living
The days and weeks
Years and decades
That pass by the innocent
That time is what I am fighting for
I want my time returned to me
But I would not want this
Had it not been for you
And your foolishness
That which forms the most complicated unsolvable mathematical equations
And the most inarticulate conundrums known to any language
This foolishness molds the urn spun on the potters wheel of Einstein
None of it assists with the functionality of the heart.
And I feel it safe to say that the angles of your perception
Are unequal to any linear thought.

But I won’t bore my guests
With the details of my heart
Because their stories
Are worthy of my ears
And you
You, in all your infinite wisdom,
You alone, as you like it,
Couldn’t find my ear
With two flashlights
And a compass
And a map labeled with every square inch of my anatomy.