Where the eff is my asthma inhaler?

Ok guys, here's the deal. Heather Anne thinks it's a good idea for me to run in a 5K at the end of the month. (Hold on, let me wipe the sweat that just dripped on my keyboard...I don't want to get electricuted).

Alright, so basically I've been exercising my lard ass butt (that's like saying "butt butt" like that church in South Carolina that I hate simply because it's named "Tabernacle Church" that's like saying "Church Church"). I've been exercising like a fiend for the last four days. My body no longer hates me and in fact it was like, let's run a bit further today, shall we, lard butt? So, I did. and it was lovely! I have no idea how many miles I ran, but I could have kept running. I'm rather impressed actually that it only took four days to get to this point of wanting to exercise, but it's here. Yay! *pant pant*

Exercising Schedule:
It consists of a three day cycle of activities.
Day 1: run
Day 2: run a bit further than Day 1
Day 3: pool rehabilitation
Day 4: run as much as Day 2
Day 5: run a bit further than Days 2 and 4
Day 6: pool rehab
Day 7: make like God and rest (i.e. take a lot of naps and stretch/yoga it up)

I don't know if this is going to work but I hope it does and I hope I get the day off of work for the race. I haven't trained in like four years. And my coach's idea of training was "Alright Kennedy, go run for like an hour and a half and don't stop!" And then on sporadic days he'd make us do really cruel things like run 12 400 meter dashes with a 60 second break between each dash. I vomed on those days. I don't really want to make myself vom b/c I already did that on the first day that I started this schedule, but if anyone has any suggestions, I have open ears.

Alright, now where did I put my cigarettes and wine? I mean my asthma inhaler and water? :)

Later gators! I'm hitting the showers.