whoever invented cheese and toilets is my personal hero

While performing what is called a "store sweep*" tonight at work, I finally got to use my degree. What had happened was there were these two guys in the dairy section and one of them yelled really loudly at me, "Where is the bathroom?!" I walked over to them and said that "the restroom was at the front of the store" *pointed in that direction* and "could I help to find something for them?" I couldn't help apparently and while the guy who shouted at me turned around to study the pudding selection the second guy bee-lined it to the bathroom with his arms clenched up next to his body and his dukes at attention. He glanced around and said, "I'm okay...I'm okay." I realized from his paranoia, catatonic muscle responses, and darty eyes that it was highly probable that he was under the influence of a pretty intense dosage of some sort of upper/stimulant drug.

If I had been in class I would have written down the following case analysis:
I. +20, Male, Caucasian, Substance Use
II. Irritable, Paranoid, Agitated, possible personality D/O--unlikely
II. needs to pee, probably hungry, other hy: unknown
IV. close male friend same I and II
V. 80

The first guy looked at me and said, "where's the cheese?" I pointed down the aisle and started spouting off the different types, not that he would remember them, but the non-confrontational explanation distracted him from the frightened look on my face. I told him I would be right back. I grabbed my broom, because you don't want paranoid individuals getting a hold of items that could be used as weapons and walked to the front of the store. There, I ran into a fellow associate who was running the cash register. I calmly described to him the situation and informed him that when the guys came through his line that he should take it easy and not ask a lot of fanciful questions. "It's best not to agitate them, so just you know...be chill." He replied with a heartfelt "thank you for the head's up," and then asked, "how do you know all this?" To which I replied, "I took a couple of classes in abnormal psychology." He shook his head with approval. I took that as an indicator that even though I'm hugely neurotic myself and drink too much, that maybe I'm not the biggest dumb ass in Georgia after all.

*when you push a big fat broom around the entire grocery store for thirty minutes collecting the day's debris--it's nasty and today the highlight objects were an orange skittle and a yogurt container top that reminded me of The Office Olympics, but 'cept it wasn't blue or gold.