A thought...that i've been pondering for the past three and a half hours...

I think I might be Rogue from X-men, but 'cept I'm still waiting on the grey hair to show up. Oh, and except that the first thing I think about after I almost kill somebody upon arriving home is "I wonder if Golden Girls is still on?" and "I wonder if there are any Halloween cookies left in the cupboard?" and "I think I need to rant on my blog to get rid of these odd hallucinogenicesque thoughts."

omg! omg! omg! i'm having a "hey girl" moment

It's the most wonderful time of the year...



I am so excited I could sing Christmas carols...and oh tonight I did, as I was having my Chai tea at Starbucks (which PS tastes just like Christmas!) and reading feministic novelty and packing my bags with turtles, my hardhad (which I found on the side of the road tonight on my way around town running errands--it was so worth the "waste" of gasoline to turn around and fetch it), my sororitastic overalls and everything white and green!

It's Frat Christmas on Saturday and Oh My God! I cannot contain myself.

Here I come Sewanee! for Shake Day and Upper Class Rush, Oh My! and all of your Fratastic Festivities!!! can I get a whoop whoop!

i cannot sleep because my rem cycles are all fucked up

when awkward compliments
fill a moment
to its maximum capacity
and you have no idea why
that is or
what to do or even
how to respond

you feel like you are flowing through sparkling water
down a shallow riverbed
and your mind drifts over smooth stone
that is cool and earthy
and lovely

and then you notice
you're wearing
floor wax on your pants
but you
feel more alive in those pants
and in that awkward-water-driven-moment than
you have
in the last five months

2:37am EST

I slept
in a garage in protest
one night
last fall
when the trees were stripping themselves

the leaves blew in under the door
all night
keeping me awake
forcing memories of yesterday
which was why I was out there
in the first place

what really happened was
I couldn’t see the stars for the clouds
and it bothered me
beyond any measure of knowledge
obtained and stored in my head
about what stars are made of
or about what clouds do in the sky
while people sleep

I could tell you all about what sleep is good for
and about what type of cloud
is in the sky
but I can't tell you a damn thing
that you want to hear
about who I am
and why I can't understand
why you can't understand
anything about me

it could be that you can't fathom why I sleep in garages
or why I write poetry only
when it gets cold outside
but I'll save that for another cold night
when you're bugging me for answers
and I can speak with language that spans outside the realm
of poetic devices

Headline should read: Best Day Ever turns to Worst in a matter of seconds

I awoke well rested, cold and with three hours til I had to be at work. This is one of the better ways to wake up, trust me. This comes from an older sister who, over the years, has been woken up by younger siblings in a number of debauchery-ridden schemes. My favorite, in retrospect, was the time my brother decided that waking me up by sling-shotting plastic versions of miniature castle boulders at my face was a good idea. My opinion: not such a good idea. *shoulder shrug*

Anywho, later in the morning I had a nice cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee with half and half (my fave and we don't keep the half and half in the house very often). This was followed by a hearty helping of mashed potatoes with cheese on them for breakfast. Then I found revelation and extreme excitement to the point that I was actually giggling with glee when discussing with a friend the relief that is sure to ensue after the election is over. Seconds after that I read an email from a friend who has made it her life work (or at least this week's work) to make Happy Frat Christmas plans for me that will pan out due to the fact that my boss gave me two weekends off! All of this came crashing down when I stopped for cigarettes on the way to work, only to realize that I've been driving around for three days without my license and oh, couldn't buy cigarettes...which I needed, and badly. This was followed by an email from my friend Sarah, who I worked with at Amnesty International last summer. The email described the condition of a death penalty case we worked on where we were able to get a stay of execution for a man who is now scheduled to be executed on September 23rd and for whom clemency has been denied. So, Thursday I'll be downtown at a demo with picket signs on my day off work sweating my butt off and trying to convince people that don't give a damn to give a damn. And then of course, my night plans were disrupted by my having to stay an hour late at work to count pieces of paper with dollar signs printed on them. PS. I do not like the maths especially when they involve les d'argent.

Ok...I'm gonna stop ranting here...things could be worse...but I won't tempt fate. But things could be better...which is the motto here at Broke Bertha's Soap Box...I'm just sayin'. Also, I'm not proofreading this because I don't feel like it...sorry guys.

Ok, I totally proofread. because I'm neurotic.

Good night...

Today I am a Grumpy McGrumperpants

As I sit on my bed with a heating pad strapped to my aching back on accounta my uterus is trying to expel itself from my nether-regions, I am pondering why I don't just suck it up and give into my chocolatey desires by going to the store to purchase the entire Hershey's section. THen I remember that the meaning to Black Friday has just been redefined and I am now pouting. a lot.

All I heard about at work tonight was gasoline prices this and hurricane shutting down Texas oil fields that. While I consoled customers about said gasoline issues, I secretly (in the safety of my mind) cursed them because unlike me they had the ability to go and fill their gas tanks tonight while I? I was forced to wait until I got off work to hunt for my gasoline. Because Friday is the day that I usually get gas, I am running on low. I have a wallet full of money but only three gallons of gas in my tank. There is no junk in the trunk and no junk to be had (and by junk I mean gas...o.b.v's). I stopped at 5 gas stations on the way home around midnight and none of them had gas. Well, that's a lie. One of them did have gas but it only had premium and the only pump still open had a huge line and the guy at the pump at the time was filling up 8 red gas canisters and by filling up I mean unsuccessfully getting the gasoline from the pump gun into the canisters. He was spilling most of the gas on the ground (internal thought: what a friggin jackass and an ungracious and wasteful egocentric jackass at that). I gave up and went home. Does anyone know if there is going to be no gas deliveries? or was this run on the gas stations just due to the rumor/threat that prices are going up to $6 a gallon by Sunday?

les sighing...

I just want some chocolate.

again, with The Skills. I got 'em...

Yesterday I worked a thirteen hour shift with minimal breaks and left work with a couple of free lunch coupons and a potential date's phone number in my pocket. But, the best part was that the extra hours I worked were in the bakery department.



I got to try out my skills of a baker, and needless to say, they probably won't be having me back over there soon. But I got to kid around with children and give them free cookies, and slice bread and write "Happy Birthday blank" with icing on pre-made cakes. Also, I took cake orders. But the best of the best was when a customer asked for my baking advice. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I wasn't a real baker, just the stand-in. So, I took her question and gave her the best advice possible.

Lady: I have to make a cookie cake in the shape of Georgia for my daughter's class this week.

Me: Uh huh...

Lady: How would you do it?

Me: Honestly?

Lady: Yes, honestly.

Me: I would buy three tubes of slice and bake cookie dough and spread it out on a cookie sheet. Bake it. And then cut out the state of Georgia after it cooled.

Lady: That's really good advice. Thanks!

Me: You're welcome.

I'm so glad that there were no managers around because they probably would have fired me for not offering to place a cookie cake order for her. But really, that's what I would do so I told her so.

So, I suck at bakerying and apparently at being conscientious because I showed up for work today at 10am tired and also, five hours early. So, now I'm home watching ER and working my skills of nappery. Happy Hump Day, Everybody!

so...someone is out to get me

It comforts me to know that over at the Collective today there was an amazing book discussion while I...I was at work being assaulted by numbers. Let me explain:

(so I was going to superimpose a picture of my hand covered in numbers (102.00 with a question mark beside it, just above the 102.00 is 100.02 but it is scratched out, below that mess is a really big 99.02 and below that reads 49 where i've inserted an insert carrot which reads or in the open part of the carrot mark, but instead you'll have to settle for the janky paint version since my card reader isn't working and my mom's computer is on the fritz...also, the camera took lousy pictures...so there you go)Alright, today I was assaulted by numbers, as I was saying. Let's talk about how I get all hyperventilated when I can't get an accounting worksheet to balance and people are yelling at me through a 12 inch by 4 inch hole in the wall about how they need some more nickels and about how my manager keeps banging on the door telling me to hurry the hell up so that I can clock out because I'm on overtime. Yea...I need a beer...or a Xanax...or maybe a nap and a piece of chicken. I don't know...but first, I'm washing this shit off my hand.

I heart my BFF

phone rings

Me: Hello?

BFF Kate: Hey girl!

Me: Hey, what's up?

laughter in background

BFF Kate: My mom has a question. Here she is.

scuffling noises

Lucy: Hey Miss Sam. Is Flower from Bambi a gay skunk? *most southern accent I've ever known*

Me: Hey Miss Lucy. Yes, that is one gay skunk.

Lucy: That's what Kate says, but I don't believe it. But I guess I have to believe it if it comes from you. *more of the lovely southern accent and then some chuckling*

Me: I would never lie to you, Miss Lucy.

Lucy: I know it. Well, here's Kate.

laughter

Kate: She didn't believe me.

Me: Well, I'm apparently now an expert on the sexual orientation of animated characters.

Kate: Well, you did take that class. Who else was I going to call?