Why I'm an asshole...the not late version of a Phone it in Friday...er Wednesday

I kept meaning to make this list, but never got around to it the other two times that it was "assigned" during Phone it in.

1. I'm super critical.

Mainly this only applies to when I'm at work. Like today, I walked in the door of the cash office feeling chipper and joking around with fellow associates. But when I got up the stairs and took a look around me I noticed five handfuls of things that were wrong and spouted them off out loud in an assholish way. "Who left out the lotto tickets? Why is the safe unlocked? Why are yesterdays papers not filed? Why are there no tills made? Why is the safe short $550? What the hell happened between when I closed and we were over 7 cents and now?" I thought my boss was going to slap me. If it's one thing I cannot handle it is cash office neglect.

2. Housework.

When I'm tired, I could give a rat's ass about how clean my room and bathroom are. And if anyone tries to be critical of the mess, I get super ridiculously defensive. Then I will go overboard to correct the problem. For example, if I am bothered about cleanliness, when I finally do clean I will make long "laundry" lists of what needs to be done and leave them about the house so that it becomes obnoxiously obvious that I am cleaning or have cleaned.

3. Housework, part 2.

When I have recently cleaned, if things get messy or dirty and I didn't cause the mess or dirt, I become a huge asshole about the mess. I will leave nasty notes all over the bathroom and upstairs doors that say things like, "Brother and Sisters, please remove your smelly nauseating socks and shoes from my freshly cleaned floor." or "Brother, do not sit on my freshly folded laundry and pick up your X Box mess...it is going to cause someone to break his/her leg."

4. Ken*

When it comes to Ken, this guy I work with, I am a complete and utter asshole. Firstly, Ken is about 13 crayons shy of a quantity 12 crayon box. Secondly, Ken makes assholish comments without realizing he is making such comments. Par example, today he asked for a till (what money is kept in when you put it in a register). There were none and protocol says I'm not allowed to distribute them until I have balanced the cash office. P.S. I had just walked in the door and hence had not had a chance to balance the office yet. He knocked on the door to tell me that he was just going to send customers to a different register until he got a till. I looked right at him and closed the door in his face. WTF? Also, Ken has worked at Publix for about four years and I know more about the company, protocol, how things are done than he does. I absolutely will not allow him in the cash office because I am afraid he will screw it up. The last time he went in there I came up 50 bucks short because he couldn't remember if he had taken the money or not and obviously hadn't accounted for it and then couldn't find the keys when I got back from my break. He is an exasperating individual and I just can't help but be an asshole to him and honestly, people, I really don't think he knows when I am being mean to him or not because he just is that stupid. (God...I'm such an asshole!)

5. I force you all to read about Publix Shenanigans almost everyday.

This, above all, makes me the biggest internet asshole there is. Please forgive me. I haven't got the money for a therapist right now and obviously, no one in my house or at work wants to hear me rant because I'm such an asshole about everything else.

*name has been changed to protect what is left of his brain...er I mean his identity